Daily Prompt: Relax

via Daily Prompt: Relax

Relax.

 

My heart beats so hard it physically hurts. I can feel the hovering sensation, the dark clouds intensifying their reach. The drowning screams inside my head, silent to all others, deafens my ability to breathe. No new thoughts, no knew thoughts, no ability to rationalize. Merely the repeating loop of NO, of THIS IS NOT RIGHT, of the overwhelming need to go home, need to feel at home.

 

Relax.

 

I have never felt HOME. Where is it. Why am I so lost. Where are you.

 

Relax

 

I see your body, towering and strong. Despite my weight and size, I feel so vulnerable. I see the way your eyes roll, unable to deal with my dramatics. Fear is not just overpowering. It is isolating, to the point where you become isolated from the person you know yourself to be. And in the wake of her leaving, you- the you you have worked so hard to become, is a shell. Weak and brittle. I can see the way you see me, and it only serves to make me hate myself more.

 

Relax.

 

You tell me to do this. To make myself something it is not, calm and docile. How can I relax it the presence of such danger.

 

Relax.

 

There is danger, and even if it is minute to you or imagined in my head it is real.

Real

Real

Real

Real?

 

Relax

 

Even if there was no danger- you are danger. The destroyer of self esteem and hope. Your eye rolls and subtle comments are not sly or subtle. I watch and I see. I protect and I guard. I alarm and I caution. You are the destroyer of will. Of fight, and of flight. You create the cold freeze my body shivers for.

I anxiety. You hate it, your create it, you are it. Are we the same?

 

Relax

You say “Relax”. As if you know me enough when you do not know me at all.

 

Relax. But How?

 

You say relax as if it were the guardian of the soul and the bringer of peace. Such peace cannot soothe such battle. The shield is broken and the sword is pliant.

Relax

You do not like my thoughts and do not want my words. Their silence is thunderous. My skin feels like lightening. Well..

Relax.

 

.

 

Shhhhh.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s